Keep it... Wet!

Even if she gets really wet every time, a little extra lubrication is always a good idea. It keeps everything smooth and keeps from creating micro-abrasions on the glans of her clit and inside her, those can be painful and take time to heal. And taking time to heal can often mean less sex, and who wants that, right?

I have two current favorites. One is grapeseed oil. It's slippery, never gets sticky or goopy, and it is full of vitamin E. Good for her skin, your fingers, the skin on your penis, etc. The one thing it's bad for is condoms. It will weaken latex, which can lead to breakage. Also, it usually comes in a glass bottle. Besides the obvious, like not knocking it onto the floor and breaking it, also don't make the mistake I did and keep a little on hand near the bed in a plastic bottle. Seems like it started eating the plastic, leeching chemicals into the oil and after a while my girlfriend started complaining that it burned. We stopped using that bottle and voila! no more burning sensation. 

The other, which has essentially supplanted even grapeseed oil, is a commercially available product called Aloe Cadabra. It's 95% pure, organic aloe vera and is available from the manufacturer's site or at health food stores (e.g. Whole Foods markets). It's wonderfully slippery, viscous enough to stay in place, doesn't dry up or get sticky, and it's also wonderful for your skin and inside her vulva. Aloe Cadabra, unlike grapeseed oil, is also completely condom-safe. A little bit goes a long way. 

Put just a little on your fingers and liberally rub it around the outer lips, the glans of her clit and some inside. It will feel good and help warm her up and get the blood flowing into all the soft, sexy, wonderful tissues and make your time together more comfortable, whether tender or rough or anywhere in between, and she'll be wanting more!

A few text tips

Texting can be a great way to keep in touch during the day, especially when you are busy. Let her know you're thinking of her.

Or better yet, WHAT you're thinking about her. If you're in a relationship, send her texts that let her know how beautiful her smile is. Or what your favorite part of her is, or how well she kisses, etc. Build some anticipation for later and get a little more graphic. Let her know how sexy her ass is, or step it up and sext her what you will do to her later. Women like to read romance novels for a reason. They're turned on mentally, not optically. Send a few hot texts to get her mind wandering during the day, start the foreplay HOURS before you'll see her. She'll have to let that simmer in her mind for the whole day while she's working, working out, driving home...

Keep it playful, sexy, and fun, and build anticipation. Then see what happens when she gets home!

Eye Contact

I've always noticed that eye contact has power, but more recently I've seen just how powerful it can be. It's honest, true, and absolutely expresses what you are really thinking. No need to say a word. It's the ultimate in intimacy, you can express how much you want your partner from across a crowded room, and only the two of you will know.

It's important in talking to one another, it shows that you are listening and understanding what is being discussed. If you're looking into a woman's eyes and you see her pupils dilate, that's a sign of attraction. That's a good thing to see even with a long-time girlfriend or spouse. If you don't often get that, try increasing your eye contact. Don't stare, but retain eye contact a little longer. It shows interest and let's her know you're confident and it adds a little power. Not power over her, it's more showing her that you're strong.

Most people look at each other in one eye, then the other.  Holding gaze more on the left eye will actually go into her right brain hemisphere, the emotional side (the right eye goes to the left brain, or logical side) and subconsciously set you apart.

During sex, eye contact is EXTREMELY powerful. It helps create a very strong bond between you, and you are both very present during the eye contact. That additional rush brings out endorphins and oxytocin, hormones that give you great pleasure AND a deeper connection. Any time you share an intense experience, and this is a great example, it takes you into a deeper connection and stronger bond.

Keep Them Short - Your Fingernails, That Is!

Here's a tip, guys. If you are going to insert your fingers into her vulva, keep your fingernails short and well manicured. More on technique in later posts, but for now, just know that you HAVE to keep your fingernails short. Long nails, hangnails, etc can cause cuts inside, and that will not only hurt her but she'll make you wait a while, or worse, she'll be afraid to have you go back in again in the future! Getting a regular manicure is a really good idea. Don't be afraid that it's something that girls do, smart men get it done, as well. It keeps your hands looking good (trust me, she looks at them) and feeling great.

While we're at it, pay attention to the condition of your hands and fingers. She loves it when you touch her all over, especially if your hands are in good shape. If the skin is rough, try Neutrogena Hand Cream. It was developed for Norwegian fishermen, you can imagine the conditions they work in is hard on their hands. The stuff really works, it keeps your hands in great condition.

Also, wear gloves when you're working with your hands, whether you're lifting weights or doing some other form of manual labor. Women respond very, very well to a man with strong hands that are also soft to the touch. She'll let you wander anywhere with those hands if they're powerful and smooth. Cracked skin and sharp, tough callouses will not turn her on in the least.

When you do go in with your fingers, even with soft skin and nails in check, always (ALWAYS) use a good quality lube. Even if she's already dripping wet, which she should be by the time you are getting ready to explore her with your fingers, lube will help keep her from getting micro abrasions inside. Those are painful.

Grapeseed oil is a great, all-natural lubricant you can use if you are NOT using condoms. It contains vitamin E and is very healthy to use inside her vagina. It will, however, eat through latex condoms. Astro Glide is safe to use with condoms and works well, but my current favorite is Aloe Cadabra. It's 95% pure, organic Aloe Vera, slippery enough, stays in place, is VERY healthy, and condom-safe. I like it without a condom, as does my partner. She loves the way it feels between us.

Better performance with this simple exercise.

What if I told you there was an exercise you could do anywhere, any time, and it would improve your sexual performance and overall health? I'm talking rock-hard erections that last longer AND improved prostate health. Even relief from prostate pain. And you don't have to go to a gym or even have any extra equipment to do it? Would you sign up for it?

I can't imagine you wouldn't.

Well, there is such a thing. They're called Kegel exercises, named after Dr. Arnold Kegel. He developed them to help cure incontinence in women, especially after giving birth, and to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. They have a host of benefits for women, including tightening and toning the area and increasing blood flow, not to mention better orgasms. That's great for women, you say, but what about what it does for men?

It does similar things. It tightens the pelvic floor muscles and improves circulation. That combination helps you get and keep a nice, hard erection. For a long time. Without any medicinal help. At will. I'm 41, and still get a hard-on like I did when I was 17. Though now I don't walk around holding books in front of me all the time, haha. More control comes with experience.

The exercise itself is simple. To learn to do it, simply stop the flow of urine the next time you're going. Get it to stop all the way, then restart it. That's your pubococcygeus, or PC muscle, at work. That's the one you want to flex. Start off by flexing it hard, then relaxing, repeatedly. You can do this while standing, sitting at your desk, driving, wherever. Nobody will even know. Change it up every few days or a week, try holding it solid for ten seconds, then relaxing for ten seconds, then repeat for ten reps. Like lifting weights, do something for a few workouts, then change it up to keep the muscles constantly adapting.

You'll see some great results in as few as two weeks. I'm guessing she'll notice them. You'll just feel like an even better man.

The benefits of L-Arginine

L-Arginine is an amino acid. It has a number of great benefits to health, including helping kidneys perform their main function, wound healing and maintaining hormone and immune levels. It's also used by the pancreas and in the pituitary gland as a component of human growth hormone. It's even used by the muscles to aid in nitrogen balance and in leaning out the body.

On the sexual side, it has some great benefits. It helps arteries relax and improves blood flow. Can you say, "easier erections"? It also is important in sperm production and motility, and some studies show that it can help increase the volume of your semen.

I currently take it as a supplement and get some in my daily diet, I do notice a difference between when I take it regularly and don't, so I do recommend making sure you get enough.

L-Arginine is available as a supplement, but try also getting it the better, natural way in red meat, poultry, fish, wheat germ, nuts, and seeds. Any time you can get a natural source, your body will assimilate it better.  And if you're on any other medications, including viagra, check with your doctor before adding any supplement.

The Power of Presence

There's nothing better than being with the one you are with.

Let me explain. You have to be there physically, but you should also be there emotionally and mentally. One hundred percent.

We all have this "chattering monkey" (from Buddhism) in our head. It's the voice that is constantly talking to you, often reminding you of all the things you have to do. Getting that report done, following up on the points at that meeting, picking up your dry cleaning... Yeah, we all have stuff to do, and we're all busy.

But when you're with your lover, really with them, that should all go away. With practice, it can. You have to be mindful of it and give them your full attention. Turn off or ignore your cell phone, email, worries and be there, in the moment, with your partner. Few things are sexier than your full attention, and it will ensure that you have theirs. The intimacy and trust that that builds, not to mention respect, is priceless.

Look them in the eye and hold that contact while talking. Look at them occasionally while kissing, caressing, making out, making love. Eye contact while making love is very, very powerful.

Try it and see what I mean.

How this blog began.

I was in a marriage that wasn't working. We barely had sex, there was little intimacy. When we did have sex, it was great, but it happened so infrequently the last couple of years.

We had trouble getting pregnant, which was kind of a blessing. We "tried" a lot, which was fantastic for both of us. Nothing happened, pregnancy-wise. Turns out she was deficient in a hormone. A trip to a fertility doctor, a little hormone replacement, then seeing a follicle that visit (an egg ready to be fertilized), then the doctor recommended we go home and have fun for the weekend. We did. A lot that weekend. And Dammit, it took right away. That was the last time we'd make love for almost two years. Two YEARS.

The lack of sex and intimacy in general was killing me. I'd always been interested in good sex, had studied it both in theory and in a lot of practice. In a sexless marriage, I stepped up my studying. A lot.

We finally made love and she was shocked. Actually asked how I'd learned all that. It wasn't just technique, it was attitude and much more. She REALLY enjoyed that. But by then, we'd grown so far apart that when we decided to go through counseling, even the therapists couldn't help us. We divorced, and I kept studying. And the things I've learned have made a huge difference in every aspect of my life. I'm more confident, more successful, have better friendships, and after showing a couple more women the sheer possibilities of the pleasure they can experience, I found a woman I'm proud to call my girlfriend.

Having a steady relationship allows for a much deeper connection and a chance to know what REALLY gets both of you off. And that constantly changes and evolves.

These are the things I want to explore here with this blog. I want to hear from others' experiences, would LOVE it if there was a lot of discussion and participation here. Welcome, thanks for reading, and here's to men becoming better lovers and both men and women benefitting!