Back on the dating scene

I was in a relationhip that lasted for several months recently. A girl I was really hooked on. We got along really well, we had a lot of fun sexually, and actually I was so involved in her and my work that I've sort of let this blog go for too long.

She got busy, had a lot of family and other issues, and the relationship suffered fatally. We ended it on good terms, so now I'm back to dating again. I don't mind, as it gives me a chance to have a different kind of fun, and my search for someone I like to have in my life full time offers me a chance to play with a lot of different women sexually. It's not even as empty as one-night stands, it's a chance to get to know a woman from every different angle. To see if she can be my partner in every way, from fun to talk to and hang out with, travel with, and when we're sufficiently alone to have wild, passionate sex. A lot.

I have to be careful, I don't want anyone to get hurt. I have to be up front and honest. I admit that I am ultimately looking for something long-term, but until I find it, I'm dating many women to find someone who has the level of self-esteem, drive, passion, adventure, and just plain fun that I'm looking for. And that I expect that any woman I date will also be dating others in search for what they're looking for.

Being busy and not getting out that much, and still not being that good at approaching women, I have been using a couple of the online dating sites. One free site, and one paid one. It's funny, my lack of approach skill seems to have carried over into my lack of ability to write a profile that attracts the upper echelon of looks in the sites. It does signify to me that I at least need to be a little more adventurous to have more stuff to talk about. I have been very adventurous throughout my life, but the past couple of years I've been much more conservative. I have to change that.

On the dates I've been on, carefully talking online, then via phone, then meeting works really well. We already know we have things in common, so grabbing a beer or coffee or dinner somewhere allows for hours of good conversation, which I'm also very open and honest about, and steer it toward some sexual talk with an air of fun. Women always sense my true intentions, that I'm interested in sex with them, not just in sex with anyone with tits and a vagina.

I like to go for the first kiss during the date, often right at the table. You get a good sense of what she'll be like in bed that way. And the same goes for her. You can really telegraph your abilities that way. Learning to be a good kisser may be one of the most important things. I love kissing, and love doing it al the time in a relationship. Ten years in, I still want to be making out like we did when we started dating.

Usually once I kiss a date, the deal is sealed. But I often don't go for it if I'm not sure of the girl. If she understands it's not leading to a commitment, at least at this point, everybody will be happy. If she hesitates, I won't go for it, because I'm like sexual heroin. Not bragging, I've worked hard to learn what I know about bringing pleasure to women. It turns me on as much as it does them.

I'll outline my recent dates in upcoming posts. Follow along and comment, too. I want to hear thoughts and experiences from men and women.

Sex on the First Date

I met a woman online a while ago. We've talked a few times on the phone and many times by text. Last night was the first time we'd met in person, and we hit it off right away. The conversation is really good, we have a couple of glasses of wine and a couple of appetizers, then I pull her face gently to mine and make out with her in the restaurant for about a minute. The chemistry is obvious, and we are holding hands and I am stroking her leg and arm as we talk. She has beautiful skin and I tell her just that. She says "What am I going to do with you?" My reply is, "Take me home". She agrees, with a shit-eating grin on her face.

She alludes to some skills she has, but I never give her the chance. We start making out on her bed right away, she pulls off my shirt, a button-down one, over my head in haste. I get all her clothes off and take my time, teasing and kissing and caressing everything, at first missing any of the usual erogenous zones. But only by a tiny bit. She's moaning and writhing around on the bed, a big turn-on for me. She's enjoying the teasing, obviously. I massage her feet, kiss slowly all the way up her body, finally giving her a little extra pleasure by sucking on one of her nipples. Or so I think. She's SUPER sensitive in her nipples, and with just a little tongue and lip pressure and movement, she cums for the first time. I've still got my pants on.

This. Is. Hot.

I haven't even touched her pussy, have only felt the warmth so far, but already she's grinding it into my body and arching her back. I'm in heaven, and I'm pretty sure she is, too. I love it when a woman relaxes with me and just lets go. I then put my fingers on her labia majora, stroking to bring in even more blood to the area to engorge and sensitize it. She's in her late 40s, but lubrication is obviously no problem here. She is dripping wet. I don't even have to reach for the lube.

I work in a couple of fingers to hit one of my favorite areas, and obviously hers, while sucking on one of her nipples. She loses her breath, and though she's trying to say my name, only the first syllable of that and any other word she tries to utter will come out. I've apparently interrupted her wiring in all the right ways. She cums and cums. I still have my pants on, hard-on raging behind the denim. I work my way down and start going down on her, she cums even harder. We go on like this for well over an hour, almost two, and she begs me for a break. Yep, I still had my pants on. I was leading her, starting to learn what she likes, finding her favorite spots. I was 100% present and picking up on her non-verbal communication, very helpful especially at those times when she can't talk. She has all three types of orgasms; positive orgasms: "YES! YES! YES!", negative orgasms: "Oh, no! Oh, No! Oh, No!" and religious orgasms: "OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!".

I finally take my pants off, then tease her more by kissing her, rubbing my cock all over her, and bringing her to a few more orgasms with my cock still just pressing against her. At one point she tries to push my hands and face away from her nipples, so I pin her wrists above her head and keep going at her. This turns her on even more. She's a sweaty, wet mess from head to toe at this point.

I finally tease her pussy a little with my cock, then go in. She cums immediately and again a couple of times. I flip her over and before entering her, I whisper in her ear that she has to have my permission before she can cum again. I enter and she asks right away. I hold her off and she starts begging. I finally let her and she starts screaming. I've used this method before to teach a woman to cum on my command, and this is the start. I'm getting the feeling she won't be too hard to train.

She's open to everything so far, so I rimmed her a little and could feel the shivers that causes. Mix that with some fingers inside her dripping wet pussy and then switching to a finger resting on her anus, which she responds to very well. I lubricate my thumb with her juices and press it in a little bit. She responds by cumming, moaning loudly and pressing her asshole back against my thumb. I slide it in and she goes berserk, cumming harder. Next thing I know, she begs me to stick my cock in her ass. Not bad for a first date, eh?

We ultimately collapsed into a sweaty pile on the bed and fell asleep for two hours. I had to hit the head, so she walked me down the hallway in the dark to turn on the light for me. I grab her, press her against the wall and make her cum again before I go into the bathroom. She breathlessly whispers "You are so bad!"

We get in an hour of sleep before her alarm goes off, at which point I make sure she has an orgasm as she wakes up. As I get dressed to leave, she kisses me and asks when she can see me again.

I think I've created another addict!

Booty Call

Last night I was tired after a long day of work, and I had an injured foot that was mending, but I'd been standing on it all day.

Then came the text from "Marjie" (not her real name). She asked what I was doing and if I'd come see her. We'd had sex before and she had a really good time, and we'd sext back and forth from time to time. She begged me to come see her. I knew what she had in mind. It had been over a week since I've had any, so though I was tired, I didn't resist much. I joined her for a cup of tea at a local coffee shop, we talked for a while and I teased her mercilessly, not making my sexual interest a mystery at all. She did the same back, it was really fun and dirty in the best way. She stroked my cock through my jeans when nobody was looking, we kissed a couple of times and at one point I leaned into her and whispered what I wanted to do to her right there. She blushed and admitted how wet she was.

We were a long way from my place and her place had roommates, so she drove me to the gated parking lot where she worked. I teasingly caressed and stroked her leg while she was driving. We crawled into the back of her SUV and she immediately took off her soaked panties from under her dress. It was hot. We started making out, exploring each other with our lips, and the clothing started coming off. I love to tease, so I kissed all the way around any particularly sensitive and potentially orgasm-producing area, letting her know I was there with my lips and my breath.

She moaned, sometimes almost in complaint to the teasing.

She's quite a bit younger, and I usually like women closer to my own age. They appreciate it more. This girl was young and I could tell it was going to take a lot of work over several sessions to open up a few new neural pathways, the pleasure highway to the brain. It's the kind of work I love, but it isn't easy.

I gave her some good oral and worked simultaneously on her G-spot, also working around to see what other areas she liked. Inexperience and being in a car kept her fairly quiet, not the easiest way to work with someone on learning what they love. She was delicious, and wet like no woman I'd ever experienced. I was loving that, and she was, too.

I kept working her up and stopping short of taking her over the edge, getting her really worked up. I'd kiss back up her body, tease and suck her nipples, kiss her neck and make out while still having my fingers exploring her clit, labia majora, G-spot and other areas. I was hard as a rock, because I love all this. She begged me to enter her. I like it when they beg...

I teased a little more, till she had her legs wrapped around me, heels digging into my ass to pull me in. I finally entered her and we both gasped with pleasure. We went faster and slower, had to duck down when some people walked by, and when the parking lot was empty of people and she said "Harder", I did and she came. Repeatedly. When I finally looked at the clock, we'd been going at it in her car for almost three hours! We made out for a while afterward, got dressed, then shared some passionate kisses as she dropped me back off at my car.

It was great, but I worry sometimes. Great sex gets me booty calls, but if the sex is great and the connection good, sometimes the FWB wants more than I want to give. I've learned over the years to be very good, but there are subtle things like eye contact at certain times, etc. that can complicate that. I have been a serial monogamist in the past, but right now I am not looking for a relationship. Or at least, I don't want to get into a bad one. Last night's seems to have started to cross the line. I'm going to have to have a talk with her that hopefully will keep things good and healthy for us both.

*This is a true story. Trying to learn and teach through my writing, and I'm ALWAYS open to constructive comments.

How to enlarge your penis - because size matters

Ok, the title sounds like half the sp@m you get in your inbox, and a lot of hype. But it's true and possible, without supplements or weights or... whatever.

As far as anyone can tell, those supplement tablets you can buy don't work. If they did, it would be all over the news. I think it's a safe bet for these companies to market the stuff because guys who pay for it are way to embarrassed to complain about it.

Let's look at some physiology. Your penis is not a muscle, and not a bone. It's filled with erectile tissue that fills with blood, causing it to stand at attention. Viagra and similar drugs work because they allow and encourage this. But they don't make you bigger.

And I've been with and discussed this with many, many women, and they admit that size matters. Technique and other things are more important, but all other things equal, a woman will prefer a larger penis over a smaller one. Within reason.

How do you add an inch of length to your penis without a pill or some oddball contraption? Try exercise. If you lose 25-30 lbs of body fat, that will actually "reveal" another inch of length. That extra fat around your midsection is distributed throughout your body, including the base of your cock. Lose that, and you gain size. Simple.

Also good for you. Using cardio and weights (carefully, and under the guidance of a physician and/or trainer) will improve your health in many ways, including stamina and blood flow. Blood flow... hey, wait a minute... yeah, that's right, it's like having natural Viagra or Cialis to an extent. Better circulation and better health means better erections.

Also, for added strength to your erections, read my article on Kegel exercises for men here: http://beherbestlover.blogspot.com/2010/11/better-performance-with-this-simple.html

So get to it. Lose a few pounds and gain an inch or two. She'll appreciate it, and you'll feel like Superman.

Porn is fun, just don't learn from it.

There's never been a better time for porn. There are incredibly sexy choices out there for anything you desire. And it's more beautifully shot and actors for everyone's individual description of "beauty". It's hot, great for getting yourself off, and great for heating up as a couple. Maybe even opening some dialog about what you want.

But here's the thing. You can't base your sex life on porn. It's produced to be visually stimulating, and the actors are playing for the camera. There are things you do that are amazing, but on camera you can't see what's going on because to do it right, you're hiding parts of it from the camera. And that's no good. Men are visual creatures, and porn is made for that. We love seeing hot images of sex.

One good example is a man performing oral sex on a woman. If you used your tongue on a woman's clit the way most adult films show it, your partner may very well ask you to stop because it doesn't feel good. And banging away all the time, or switching positions often when your partner really wants you to keep up just that position and speed can kill the mood.

It's better to realize what porn is great for and that there are some great resources to learn the right way to do things with a partner (and communicating with each other is a big one), as I'm trying to here.

Here's a tip for when you ARE watching porn by yourself: pick something you like and something that's fairly long. Get yourself in the mood and don't just fast forward to the best part near the end. Watch the entire scene (or better yet, two). By picking a time when you don't have to rush, you train yourself to last longer. That's one of the problems with the way many men masturbate, if you constantly race to finish you are training yourself for premature ejaculation. Slow down, enjoy the view, and know that by taking longer, you are helping make yourself a better lover.

Keep it... Wet!

Even if she gets really wet every time, a little extra lubrication is always a good idea. It keeps everything smooth and keeps from creating micro-abrasions on the glans of her clit and inside her, those can be painful and take time to heal. And taking time to heal can often mean less sex, and who wants that, right?

I have two current favorites. One is grapeseed oil. It's slippery, never gets sticky or goopy, and it is full of vitamin E. Good for her skin, your fingers, the skin on your penis, etc. The one thing it's bad for is condoms. It will weaken latex, which can lead to breakage. Also, it usually comes in a glass bottle. Besides the obvious, like not knocking it onto the floor and breaking it, also don't make the mistake I did and keep a little on hand near the bed in a plastic bottle. Seems like it started eating the plastic, leeching chemicals into the oil and after a while my girlfriend started complaining that it burned. We stopped using that bottle and voila! no more burning sensation. 

The other, which has essentially supplanted even grapeseed oil, is a commercially available product called Aloe Cadabra. It's 95% pure, organic aloe vera and is available from the manufacturer's site or at health food stores (e.g. Whole Foods markets). It's wonderfully slippery, viscous enough to stay in place, doesn't dry up or get sticky, and it's also wonderful for your skin and inside her vulva. Aloe Cadabra, unlike grapeseed oil, is also completely condom-safe. A little bit goes a long way. 

Put just a little on your fingers and liberally rub it around the outer lips, the glans of her clit and some inside. It will feel good and help warm her up and get the blood flowing into all the soft, sexy, wonderful tissues and make your time together more comfortable, whether tender or rough or anywhere in between, and she'll be wanting more!

A few text tips

Texting can be a great way to keep in touch during the day, especially when you are busy. Let her know you're thinking of her.

Or better yet, WHAT you're thinking about her. If you're in a relationship, send her texts that let her know how beautiful her smile is. Or what your favorite part of her is, or how well she kisses, etc. Build some anticipation for later and get a little more graphic. Let her know how sexy her ass is, or step it up and sext her what you will do to her later. Women like to read romance novels for a reason. They're turned on mentally, not optically. Send a few hot texts to get her mind wandering during the day, start the foreplay HOURS before you'll see her. She'll have to let that simmer in her mind for the whole day while she's working, working out, driving home...

Keep it playful, sexy, and fun, and build anticipation. Then see what happens when she gets home!